Last August, as fires and floods ravaged our beautiful state, I found myself examining the resolutions I’d made for 2013. Late summer was ripe as a western slope peach dripping with the promise of an abundant harvest and an extraordinary fall. During numerous drives to the mountains with my daughter, Mikelle, we were able to connect with nature, breathe in the clean mountain air, and put our feet in the creek – and I was able to reflect on my goals and resolutions that I had made at the beginning of the year.
During one of our outings one afternoon, after enjoying our picnic in the hills, the temperature dropped and the wind picked up. Within minutes, the clouds swallowed the sun and the sky grew darker. I packed up my folding chair, and loaded the back of Mikelle’s wheelchair with the dirty blue thermal bag carrying the remnants of our outdoor feast. I checked my phone before leaving, and saw the text I knew would come one day from my son, Kasey, that “Dad is not doing well. It won’t be long.”
It had been over two decades since my marriage to Kasey’s dad had ended. There were times I felt that our divorce would never die, especially since Mikelle’s special needs required on-going support, but on that August day, it was over.
After his father’s passing, I delved into the blue plastic tubs full of family pictures and helped my son prepare the eulogy he would give at the family gathering of his father’s new family. I thought that time and distance would make this easier, but revisiting the past brought up many emotions I thought I had long since set aside. Gratefully, the perspective and wisdom I gained through the years made it easier to navigate the journey through the lingering feelings for my ex-husband and the memories stored away in both the fuzzy, out-of-focus Polaroid pictures taken as young college kids and the crisp, perfect photos of our wedding day.
My sojourn through the past helped me come to the conclusion: most resolutions don’t work because they are not “Re-SOUL-utions”. After this excursion into the past, I decided to up my game. I am re-thinking life and in 2014, I resolve to “re-soul”.
I began by listening. It is a practice in which I continue to improve upon.
Not too long ago, I resolved to listen to my urge to learn how to dance. I tried Tango, East Coast Swing and ultimately settled into Salsa dancing. I discovered that dancing wasn’t just an item on my “Bucket List”, it was more than that. I learned my soul sought more tha